I'm Not Moving On
by lovely522
Summary: Nikita left her Nikita family behind... including Michael. Nikita is in a position she never expected to be in. She needs to pull herself together for the sake of it and Michael. Sometimes the most amazing things happen at the most unexpected time. She wonders if she'll ever be reunited with her family and if Michael would ever forgive her.
1. Surprise

Hello everyone! New story! I hope you enjoy it! And please, please tell me what you think of it and review! :-)

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The longest car ride of her life drained her of all the tears she had. She had trouble stopping herself from crashing the car. Her memories flashed in her mind. Everything that she has worked so hard to achieve has just been pointless. She wanted so desperately to finally stop running and just find a home. She was so close and the chance was robbed from her. Maybe she just wasn't meant to have that happy ending. Maybe she truly didn't deserve one.

Nikita stepped out of her car and pulled into a motel outside of New York City. She carried nothing into her room except for her body. She found it hard to take a single step. All hope and drops of happiness have been drained out of her and the reason to live has been covered by thick, dark clouds. She hasn't eaten in two days and she doesn't feel hungry. Maybe she is, but she doesn't want to feel hungry.

_What's the point of living another day when there's nothing to look forward to tomorrow?_

Nikita collapsed onto the bed. She was exhausted. She survived on no food and no sleep for the past two days. And to add onto her tiredness, she was sad. She felt depressed. She hasn't felt this kind of pain since… the last time she fell off the wagon. Her heart ached every second she breathed and she just wanted it to stop, but she knew it would never stop.

Suddenly, she felt a rush in her stomach. It was climbing up her throat quickly. She almost didn't make it to the bathroom. She had her head hovered over the toilet as she threw up. She was so confused. She hasn't eaten anything in the last couple days, how could she throw up when she had nothing to throw up? The most absurd idea ran through her head.

_It can't be. No. No. No, not now. Was she pregnant?_

Nikita flushed her puke away before running over to the bed. She picked up her phone. She looked at the date.

_June 10, 2013_

Her period should've came three weeks ago. She completely forgot about it since everything blew up in her face. She ran her hands through her hair as she fell onto the floor.

Shit.

Michael sat in his room for the last couple of days. He didn't leave. He didn't talk to anyone. The others tried to desperately get him to come out, to at least eat something. But he wouldn't budge. He laid in his bed and blankly stared at the photograph of Nikita and him in his hand. It was when he proposed to her. He let his tears fall and slide onto the picture.

_She's gone._

Here he was in the room they were _supposed_ to share. He was on the bed they were_supposed_ to share. Now he just laid in it, and it felt empty. Like the other side of the bed ran on for miles and she was all the way at the end. He turned to the side Nikita would sleep on and felt the sheets with the tip of his fingers.

_God, how he missed her._

He closed his eyes and remembered when she laid there. He remembered how she would always tangle their feet together and run her hands through his hair. He remembered how she would always lay her head on his chest. He remembered how close they were and she would always tell him that she could feel his heartbeat pounding against her ear. He remembered how warm it felt when he held her in his arms. He remembered whispering sweet nothings in her ear and watching her sleep peacefully. He longed to have those moments back. He clutched onto the sheets as tears stained his pillow.

"Michael!" Birkhoff yelled.

Michael opened his eyes and was suddenly brought back to reality. She wasn't laying next to him. She wasn't there. She was gone. He didn't respond to Birkhoff.

"Michael!" This time it was Alex's voice. When they didn't hear anything, Birkhoff took his keys and opened the door. They found Michael on the bed holding onto a picture. His eyes were red and puffy and it looked like life had been drained out of him.

They slowly approached the bed. Alex sat at the edge of the bed, but Michael still didn't make a single movement. "Michael. You have to eat something. You still have to take care of yourself," Alex said in a soft voice.

Michael didn't move and didn't look at either of them. He was staring at the ceiling. "Why?" He snapped.

Alex sighed, "Because she needs something to come back to. Don't do this, she wouldn't want this."

Michael sat up abruptly and looked into Alex's eyes. "Why Alex? Why would she just leave like that?" His voice was pleading. Alex looked up to Birkhoff who was standing beside her. It broke their hearts to hear Michael like this.

Birkhoff put his hand on Michael's shoulder. "You know Nikki. She puts everyone else before herself. She just wanted to protect us." He felt bad for his friend. Michael was the closest person he had when he was in Division. He was always the strongest. The team leader and to see him like this was horrifying. "But don't worry! We'll find her and we won't stop until we do. I can promise you that," Birkhoff reassured.

Michael looked up at his friends. He was so thankful for them. He wouldn't know where he'd be without them… They saved his life. He was determined to find Nikita. He was _not_ letting her go.

He _will_ find her.

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_Well, there's your introduction! Please tell me your thoughts! Maybe if I get a lot of reviews I might update sooner. By no means does that **force** you to review! Reviews just really encourage me to write! So thanks for reading and I hope you liked it! Xx_


	2. Hope

_Hey everyone! So glad you liked the first chapter! Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you like this chapter. And please read and review! There is a time jump between last chapter and this chapter :-)_

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_3 years later_

Nikita was carrying her two-year-old daughter to her bedroom. She was beautiful. She had dark brown hair and deep green eyes. Every time Nikita looked into her eyes, she always thought of Michael. Nadine, _her_ daughter, was her hope.

"Mommy, I'm not tired," Nadine pouted as she laid next to her Mommy on her large bed. "Can you tell me a story?"

Nikita smiled and kissed her daughter's head. "Of course."

"Tell me about daddy."

Nikita looked down at her daughter. Her green eyes were staring back at her as she waited. She should at least let her daughter know something about Michael. He deserved it. Nikita knew if Michael knew about Nadine, he would love her so much. Nikita swallowed and smiled at her daughter. She pulled her daughter closer to her and wrapped her arm around her. "Daddy's name is Michael. He is very handsome. He has brown hair and green eyes, just like yours."

Nikita gently pressed her cheek against her daughter's head and closed her eyes. "He could always make mommy feel better. He is very protective. He wouldn't let anything hurt mommy." Nikita let a tear escape her eye and she quickly wiped it away. "Daddy was the first person to ever make mommy feel loved. Like how mommy loves you," Nikita said her voice breaking.

"Do you miss daddy?" Nadine asked looking up at her mommy.

Nikita sniffled and she thought about Michael. "Everyday."

"Does daddy love me?"

Nadine was all Michael ever wanted. He wanted a child, a family with Nikita. And now she has a daughter, but without Michael. If Michael had the chance to know that Nadine exists, then his dreams would come true. He would love her so much. "He loves you so much," Nikita said gently touching Nadine's cheek.

"Why doesn't daddy come see me?"

Nikita felt her heart break in half hearing her daughter ask about Michael. She knew Nadine would never see Michael and it's all her fault. She's the one that took him out of her life. "Daddy's very busy. If he had time, he would spend all of it with you," Nikita smiled.

Nadine laid down and cuddled into her mommy's side as she closed her eyes to sleep. Nikita watched her daughter yawn and she pulled the blanket over them. "I just want a daddy like everyone else," Nadine whispered before drifting off into sleep.

Nikita rested her head on the pillow. She bit her lip to prevent herself from crying, but it was took late. She couldn't fix her broken heart or her daughter's. Her thoughts were taken over by Michael as she closed her eyes.

_"You scare the crap out of me, but I love you anyway."_

_"I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

_"You have no idea how much you mean to me."_

_"Give me the damn glock!"_

_"Till death do us apart, right?"_

Tears rolled down the side of her face and seeped into the fabric of her pillow. This happened every night for the past 3 years. Every time she'd stop doing something or wasn't busy with herself, Michael would always come into her mind. She missed everything about him. His face. His voice. His touch. Him. Every time she turned around, she would expect him to him there. Every time she woke up in the morning she would expect him to be there.

But he wasn't.

She wondered if Michael would ever forgive her. It was the hardest decision in her life to leave him. But it was for his safety along with everyone else. Would he ever forgive her for leaving? Nikita looked over at Nadine and smiled sadly. It's her fault that their daughter has to grow up without a father. She wondered if Michael would ever forgive her for not letting him know his own daughter.

It was all her fault.

Without Nadine, Nikita wouldn't have made it. It was because of her that Nikita started to properly take care of herself. When she was pregnant, she had to pick herself up again even if she didn't want to. She _had_ to. This was Michael's child and she wasn't going to let anything hurt her. It was the only piece of Michael she had left.

It has been 3 years. 3 long years without Nikita. Michael was different and everyone could see it. Alex, Birkhoff, Sonya and Ryan watched as Michael lost himself day by day through the last 3 years. They tried to help him, but he just didn't care anymore. He ate infrequently and rarely left his room. He usually left for one reason, he came out twice a day asking Birkhoff if there was any news about Nikita and every time is was always the same answer.

No.

Michael came out of his room and went downstairs where everyone else was. Birkhoff was in the kitchen getting a drink from the fridge, Alex was around the computer and Ryan and Sonya were sitting around the tv. Their eyes were glued on Michael as he descended down. He looked tired. And he felt tired.

"Morning Michael," Alex said breaking the silence.

"Morning everyone," Michael said. He looked over at Birkhoff and before he opened his mouth Birkhoff knew what he was going to say and he just shook his head at his friend. Michael nodded his head quietly and looked to the floor as he turned to head back to his room.

Alex couldn't take it anymore. Nikita meant a whole lot to her too. And she knew how much Nikita loved Michael and it would kill Nikita to see Michael like this. "Michael, why don't you stay here and talk with us?"

Michael turned his head to look at Alex. He tried to flash a smile, but everyone knew it was fake. "There's nothing to talk about." He started to walk towards the stairs.

Birkhoff watched Alex muster up her courage to talk to Michael and he thought maybe he had to just break it to him. He was sick and tired of breaking the bad news to him everyday and watching him break himself. "Michael, listen." Michael turned around and stood in his place as Birkhoff started walking towards him. Birkhoff put his hand on Michael's shoulder.

Birkhoff smiled sadly at his friend. Birkhoff swallowed hard. "Maybe it's time to move on." Alex stood up and stared at Michael.

Michael couldn't believe what he just heard. They were giving up. Giving up on the one person that brought them all together. Michael angrily shook his head. "No." He walked towards the tv and away from Birkhoff. "No. How could you even say that?" His voice was full of anger and pain. "She brought all of us together and you're just giving up on her? You promised me."

"Mikey," Birkhoff said. "What if she doesn't want to be found? It's been 3 years and we don't have a single clue on her whereabouts."

"But you _promised _me," Michael repeated with his teeth gritted holding back his tears forming in his eyes.

Michael was yelling and pacing back and forth. Alex watched as Michael let all of his pain out. She was the only one that heard Shadownet beeping. Alex raised her eyebrow looking closely into the computer.

It was an alert.

"Birkhoff. What is this?" Alex asked pointing to the computer.

Birkhoff headed over to Alex. He typed into the computer and squinted his eyes into the screen. He covered his mouth with his hand and looked up at everyone. "Holy shit. It's Nikki."

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**That's it! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! I love your reviews and I would really appreciate if you would review and tell me your thoughts on this chapter! Thanks everyone! Xx**


	3. Honolulu, Hawaii

_Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you're enjoying this story and I hope you like this chapter! Sorry for such a late update! Please read and review! (:_

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"Nikita?" Alex said surprised.

Birkhoff typed in a few things and a couple sounds went off as pictures popped up. "Shadownet picked up on Nikita's facial recon at a grocery store security cam."

Michael leaned in closer to get a better look. The pictures were black and white. It was a bit blurry. His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked at her. It had been 3 _long _years since he'd last seen her.

"Are you sure it's her?" Alex asked looking at the unclear photos.

Birkhoff zoomed in and made the pictures as clear as possible, then looked over at Alex. "Shadownet doesn't fail."

"Where? _Where_ is she?" Michael asked.

Birkhoff searched the location. "The grocery store was in Honolulu, Hawaii and this was under 12 hours ago so I'm almost 100% sure she's still in the area somewhere."

"Book me on the next flight." Michael headed upstairs so he could gather a few things. It was the first clue on Nikita and he wasn't going to let it slip away. He was going to get her. And he wasn't going to let himself fail.

"Michael!" Alex yelled running after him. She caught him throwing things into a suitcase. "What are you going to do when you get there, huh? Honolulu isn't a small place. How do you expect to find her?"

Michael turned around and faced Alex. "I'll do whatever it takes and I'll be damned if I just sit here and do nothing." His teeth were gritted and his hands were formed into fists. "Alex, I need answers. And I need them _now_."

Alex could see Michael's pain. His green eyes were holding back tears, painful tears.

"I'm coming with you."

"Then you better start packing."

Birkhoff studied the pictures more thoroughly after he booked Michael and Alex their flights. Michael and Alex were busy packing and preparing to leave, while he tried to find more information. He squinted his eyes and stared closer at the security pictures confusingly. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. There was a little girl sitting in Nikita's shopping cart. "_Holy shit_."

Michael and Alex were just coming down the stairs when they heard Birkhoff. "What?" Both of them said.

Birkhoff immediately closed out the screens and cleared his throat. "Nothing. I'm just still surprised Nikita popped up. I never should've had doubts about her." He walked over to Michael and Alex. He missed Nikita. He did. She was the heart of the family and it was just hard to look at the team and not see her. Not see her with the family she built. Birkhoff put his hand on Michael's shoulder. "Jet leaves in 5. You'll land there in an hour."

Michael and Alex started heading towards the plane and Michael turned back to look at Birkhoff. "We'll call you when we land!"

"Just bring Nikki home!" Birkhoff called back.

_Michael's in for quite a surprise._

Nikita was in a beautiful yellow maxi dress and a straw fedora that covered her face. Her daughter was wearing a cute white romper and a similar little straw fedora on her head. Nikita held her daughter's hand as they walked along the beach together. It was beautiful. She loved bringing Nadine here and Nadine loved coming.

Nadine let go of Nikita's hand and ran into the water. She giggled as she bounced around in the water.

Nikita loved hearing her daughter laugh and seeing her smile. She was beautiful. "What's so funny baby?"

"The water tickles my feet!" Nadine ran back to her mommy and grabbed her hand again.

It was 7:00 PM and the sun was setting. Nikita looked over at the sun setting on the water and it was beautiful. "Look," Nikita whispered in her daughter's ear as she pointed at the sun setting.

"It's so beautiful!" Nadine said.

Nikita smiled down at her daughter. "Just like you." She leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

Michael and Alex landed. Alex called Birkhoff. "We landed."

"Good," Birkhoff replied. "Nikki is in this town. If Shadownet picks up on anything else, I'll let you know. Just show a picture of Nikki around town, maybe somebody will recognize her. If you need anything, just call me."

"Thanks Birkhoff," Michael said.

"Anything for Nikki. Good luck."

They were going to need it. They were on the beach. It was the closest place to where they landed. There weren't many people around; just a few on the beach and on the boardwalk. It was quiet and peaceful. You could hear the waves crash and the seagulls squawking. Michael was pacing back and forth close to the water.

This reminded him of the dream Nikita and him had in mind. They dreamed about finding a nice beach house and having a family together. The beach was their place. Their special place that they would always share together.

Alex was following closely behind him.

"Okay, so where do we start?" Alex asked eagerly.

Michael was frustrated with the fact that he was so close yet so far. He needed to find her. He just wanted her back, _so_ bad. He didn't know the first thing to do. "I don't know! I don't know where to start!" Michael said. "I don't have a single clue. I just want to find her, Alex. I _just_ want her back." He was pleading and it was painful to hear.

"Michael!" Alex yelled to calm him. "We'll find her, okay? I promise, we won't leave until we do."

Nadine was holding her mommy's hand and walking on the sand close to the water when she heard something. She heard a woman yelling the name _Michael_.

_Her daddy's name was Michael!_ She thought. Nadine glanced around her searching for where the sound was coming from. She saw at a distance a man standing across from a woman. _The man was tall. He had brown hair. He was very handsome! And his name was Michael._

Nikita looked confusingly at her daughter who seemed extra curiously looking around and smiling. "What's on your mind baby?"

Nadine smiled and pointed at Michael across the beach from them, "Look it's daddy!"

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**Well that's it! I hope you liked it. I'll try to update quicker! But please review and tell me your thoughts about the chapter! Thanks for reading everyone! x**


	4. Daddy

_Thanks for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please read and review! (:_

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Nikita looked in the direction that Nadine was pointing to. Her eyes grew wide. There were two people standing there. They were talking, or yelling. They didn't seem like they blended in with the usual people in Honolulu. They were both wearing black t-shirts and black jeans. They looked oddly familiar.

_It can't be_.

It surprised her how well her daughter remembered the description Nikita told her. Before she had another moment to think, her hand felt empty and she wasn't holding her daughter's hand anymore. She saw Nadine running toward Michael as fast as she could. Nikita panicked, she chased after her tilting her hat, trying to hide her face.

Nadine let go of her mommy's hand and ran toward Michael. She had a good feeling that she'd finally see her daddy. Not just because of how he looked, but how her mommy's face changed and froze. Nadine knew her mommy was chasing after her and she couldn't out run her, but she tried. She finally reached Michael and she wrapped her arms tightly around his leg and yelled, "Daddy!"

Michael and Alex were still trying to figure out where to stay and where to start on the search for Nikita.

"It's getting late. Let's just find a place to stay first," Alex suggested.

"Yeah, you're right," Michael replied.

All of a sudden, Michael felt something on his leg, something putting a lot of pressure on it. He didn't look down until he heard the word, _daddy_. He saw the cutest little girl hugging his leg. As he looked down, the little girl looked up with the biggest grin on her face.

"I think you've got the wrong person," Michael laughed. The little girl had the biggest green eyes. Before Michael could get a response from Nadine, Nikita hurried past them and grabbed Nadine. She was quick enough before either of them saw who she was. Michael watched the woman harshly grab the little girl off his leg. Nikita ran away with Nadine in her arms.

Nadine looked back at Michael and Michael stared at her. Nikita was running so fast that Nadine's little hat flew off her head and landed in the sand. Michael picked it up and yelled, "Wait!"

Nikita and Nadine finally got home. Nikita slammed the door shut behind her and leaned against it. She let out a breath of relief. _How did they find her?_

Nikita and Nadine walked into the living room. They sat on the couch.

"Don't ever run away from mommy like that ever again!" Nikita scolded.

Nadine has never heard her mommy yell at her. She got scared and her eyes started to water. She didn't mean to do anything wrong.

Nikita saw her daughter on the verge of crying and she pulled Nadine into her arms and hugged her. "You scared mommy so much."

Nadine wrapped her tiny arms around her mommy's neck and sniffled. "I'm sorry Mommy." She laid her head on her mommy's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I yelled baby," Nikita whispered.

"Why did we run away from daddy?"

Nikita swallowed hard. She felt her heart pacing faster. Her mind flashed back to the beach when she saw Michael. It has been such a long time and he still looked the same. She missed him so much. She felt tears forming in her eyes and blinked them away. "That wasn't daddy."

Nadine felt sad. She thought it was her daddy. She felt something when Michael smiled down at her. Nikita carried Nadine into the bedroom and tucked her in. She slipped into bed beside her.

Nikita was heartbroken. She had to get away from Michael. She couldn't deal with the mistakes she made. Not letting Michael know his daughter and not letting her daughter know Michael. Maybe it would just be easier this way. Nikita kissed Nadine's forehead and whispered, "Good night baby."

"Good night mommy."

Nikita closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep with tears sliding down her cheek.

Nadine waited until her mommy was completely asleep. She didn't move until she heard her mommy breathing soundly. Nadine quietly snuck out of bed and over to her mommy's desk. There were picture of her mommy and her on her desk. She moved them around and discovered one hidden picture frame that was faced down. Nadine picked it up and examined the photo. It was a picture of her mommy and a man. They were smiling. He looked like the man on the beach today. He was Michael.

Michael couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in bed. He couldn't get the little girl on the beach out of his mind. He kept thinking about the woman who grabbed her, presuming it was her mother.

Alex and Michael decided to start at the supermarket that Nikita's face was caught on surveillance. Birkhoff told them to try to at least blend in and not look so weird. Alex was wearing a casual top with denim shorts and Michael was wearing a polo shirt with khaki shorts. Michael held a photo of Nikita in his hand and walked up to the cashier.

"Hi there," Michael greeted.

"Hi sir!" the cashier nicely replied. "How can I help you today?"

Michael showed him the picture of Nikita. "Do you know who this is?"

The man immediately smiled. "Of course I do! That's Nikita! She used to work here."

"Does she still work here?" Alex asked.

"Sadly no. But she still comes to get her groceries!" He chuckled.

"Why did she quit?" Alex questioned.

"She wanted more time to spend with Nadine, so she decided to quit her job."

"And who is Nadine?" Michael asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nadine's her beautiful daughter of course!" The man was ecstatic. Michael was surprised, shocked. His jaw dropped and he lost his words.

_Nikita. Daughter. Family._

His mind wasn't processing correctly. He just stared at the man with wide eyes.

Alex was shocked too. _Nikita pregnant?_ That's a crazy thought. Alex knew Nikita would be a great mother because she was the mother figure in her life. It was just crazy that she was doing that alone, or was she? Alex shook Michael back to reality, "Michael."

The cashier looked around and spotted Nikita pushing a cart with Nadine sitting inside. _What a coincidence!_ He thought. "Look there's Nikita over there!" the man said to Michael. "Nikita!" he yelled over to her.

Nikita was wearing a short, flowly, strapless, light pink dress and she was just buying some groceries. She heard her name being called and she looked over. She found Michael and Alex standing there. Nikita and Michael stared at each other for a good 2 seconds before Nikita grabbed Nadine out of the cart and bolted.

As soon as Nikita started running, Michael ran after her. Alex was chasing behind him. Nikita almost made it out the door with Nadine strongly gripped in her arms. She was just about to reach the door until Michael's hand grabbed her shoulder.

Nikita braced herself.

She tightly shut her eyes and held Nadine closer as Michael spun her around to face him.

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**Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it! I'm hoping to update soon. Please review and tell me what you think! Reviews really motivate me to update quicker! I'm not forcing anyone to review! Reviews help me write! Thank you! x**


	5. Problems

There. She stood right in front of him.

_Nikita_.

Before Michael or Nikita could say anything, Nadine threw her arms around Michael's neck while still siting firmly in the grip of her mommy's arms and yelled ecstatically, "Daddy!"

Michael was surprised. She threw him off his train of thought. The feeling that overcame him was surreal. He thought he would never hear those words again. He gently wrapped his arm around the little girl's body and a small smiled formed on his lips as he whispered, "Hi."

Nikita was surprised herself. She felt her heart warm in her chest when she realized how happy her daughter was. Nikita looked beside Michael and saw Alex standing there. Nadine gave Nikita some time to think since Michael was a bit preoccupied with her. Nikita let go of Nadine until Michael fully held onto her. Nikita walked over to Alex and hugged her.

"Thank God you're okay," Alex said as she hugged Nikita. "Everyone was so worried about you."

As they let go, Nikita smiled at Alex. "It's good to see you."

"Maybe we should go somewhere private," Alex suggested.

"Right."

Nadine was back in Nikita's arms as they entered Nikita's house. The car ride was silent; no one could find the words to say. Nikita still couldn't figure what she was going to say and she was dreading this conversation.

"Nikita," Michael said. "We need to talk."

Nikita turned around to face him and nodded. She looked at Nadine and said, "Baby, why don't you go show auntie Alex a tour of the house?"

"Okay!" she smiled. Nadine grabbed Alex's hand and skipped down the hall.

Nikita took a deep breath and turned back to Michael. He was starring at her. She found it extremely uncomfortable. She quickly moved passed him and sat on the couch and he followed, sitting beside her. "So…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Michael asked with a hint of anger in his tone.

Nikita swallowed. "It would have just complicated things." Her voice was quiet and low.

"Complicated things?!"

Nikita jumped at his loud voice.

"You've been gone for 3 years! We cleared your name and you were safe!"

"…I know."

"You were pregnant! We could have protected you!"

"I know! But I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that one of you got hurt because of me! Yes, I was pregnant! And it was the hardest goddamn thing I ever had to go through because I didn't the first thing about being a mother!" Nikita snapped.

Michael was stunned. He didn't how to respond, so he didn't. Nikita got off the couch.

"And to top it all off I was the most wanted person in the United States! It was so hard not only to take care of myself, but her too! Because I wasn't going to let anyone hurt her. So I'm sorry if I left!" That was the first time Nikita ever let anyone know how she felt for the past 3 years. She's never said anything. And it felt so good to get it off her chest. She finally poured her tears out.

Nadine could hear their yelling from down the hall. She didn't want her parents to fight, especially since she just got her daddy back. She didn't want him to leave again. Tears were forming in her eyes as she heard them yelling back and forth. She looked up at Alex. "Auntie Alex?"

Alex looked down at Nadine. She saw sadness in her green eyes. "Yes sweetie?"

"Why are mommy and daddy fighting?"

Alex felt her heart break. "They're not. They're just… trying to figure some stuff out." She kneeled down and hugged the little girl. She felt Nadine's hands wrap around her neck and she silently cried in Alex's arms.

"How does she know about me?" Michael asked.

Nikita sat back down next to him and looked at the ground and smiled, "She asks about you all the time. She asks me to tell her stories about you. I have one picture of us, and she loves to look at it. …I let her know you love her every chance I get."

"Thank you," Michael smiled as he looked at Nikita. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "She looks just like you."

Nikita felt her face warm up as she felt his hand so close to her. His touch was overwhelming. She looked at him and smiled back. "Except for her green eyes."

After a while of silence, Nikita said, "I'm sorry."

Michael moved his hand gently over Nikita's cheek and wiped away her tears. "No, it's okay. I understand now."

Nikita felt guilt rush over her. "Michael, I'm really sorry." Her voice was muffled through her tears. "I didn't let our daughter know you. I'm so sorry. It was so selfish of me. I was never cut out to be a mother."

Michael wrapped his arms around Nikita's shaking body and she sobbed into his chest. "No, no. You did the right thing. You wanted to protect her."

Nikita pulled away. "But I took the chance away from you. You'll never get to experience her as a baby, her first words or when she crawled on the floor. I took that away from you!"

Michael tried to smile at her, but a single tear rolled down his face. "Then, I guess we have a lot to make up for."

Nikita was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her. And it felt so good to be with her again. Like a part of him remembered why he was alive. There was no more yelling or anger. It was just them and that was all they needed. He wasn't letting her out of his sight, ever again.

Nadine wiped away her tears as she pulled away from Alex. Alex was caught off guard and the little girl was fast. She ran out of Alex's presence and into the living room where her parents were. She saw her daddy holding her mommy, but both of them were crying.

Michael and Nikita were so lost in each other that they didn't even notice their daughter standing by the wall watching them.

Nadine ran up and hugged her daddy tightly. She hid her face in his shirt and said, "Daddy, don't leave again."

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**Thanks for reading everyone! Sorry for the slow update, I'll try to update quicker. But please review and tell me what you think! xx**


	6. What's Next

"Baby, don't cry," Michael whispered. He grabbed Nadine's hand and gave it a little squeeze and Nadine looked up at him. "Daddy's back and he promises he's not going anywhere."

Nadine sniffled and looked up at her mommy and back at her daddy. "What if you need to go back to work?"

Michael looked at Nikita and chuckled, "My job is to be with you now, okay?"

Nadine felt ecstatic! Finally, she had her mommy _and _her daddy. Like a normal family. She always felt left out when she played at the park and saw kids with both parents. She loved her mommy very much, but it just made her feel different. But now her family's whole! "Okay," Nadine giggled and tried to hug both her mommy and daddy with her tiny arms.

Nikita got up with Nadine in her arms and said, "Now let's go show auntie Alex where her room is." She walked down the hall and found Alex there with tears in her eyes. Alex quickly wiped them away. She watched from the shadows of the hall everything that happened and it was so beautiful. Nikita gave Nadine to Michael behind her and she walked over and hugged Alex. "Alex."

Alex hugged Nikita back and smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

Nikita was glad that Michael was back… because it made Nadine really happy. She missed Michael so much, but she still didn't know where they stood. They knew they were both Nadine's parents, but where did their love stand? She didn't know. "T-thank you," Nikita stuttered back. "Let me show you to your room." Alex nodded and followed Nikita. Alex stayed in one of the empty guest bedrooms across from Nikita's room.

After Alex went into her room, Nikita turned around and found Nadine smiling and laughing in Michael arms and it just made her heart melt. Her family was finally whole, sorta, but it was a start. Nadine crawled back into Nikita's arms. Nikita said, "It's time for your bedtime too." Right next to Alex's room was another guest room, which was _directly _across from Nikita's room. "And Michael, this is your room."

"Why can't daddy stay with us?" Nadine asked innocently.

Nikita bit her lip. "Whatever daddy wants."

Nadine looked over at her daddy and begged, "Daddy, please? Can you please stay with me and mommy?"

Michael could sense Nikita's feelings. She didn't feel comfortable yet, and he didn't want to push her. He didn't know where they stood either. But _goddamn it _did he want to tell her he loved her again. He didn't know if she was ready. "Daddy's only going to be across the hall, and I promise I'll still be here when you wake up." He kissed the top of Nadine's head and whispered, "Sweet dreams."

"You too daddy," Nadine said disappointedly.

Nikita avoided Michael's eyes as she went into her room and closed the door behind her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. She got Nadine changed into her pajamas and tucked her into bed. She kissed her head and said, "Mommy's going to be right back." Nikita went into her bathroom in her master bedroom and quietly closed the door. She changed into her lingerie threw a negligee over it.

She looked in the mirror and silently started to cry. It was the first moment to herself to think about Michael. It was heartbreaking to see him and not be with him. She loved and still loved him so much. She can't change the past or what she did. She couldn't believe that the man she loved was sleeping in the room right across from her.

What if their story's over? What if this was all they were meant to be now? She couldn't even think about. The past three years, she's missed Michael so much and she thought about him nonstop and here he was, in her house, and she didn't know what to do. Nikita wiped away her tears and took another deep breath before leaving the bathroom.

She heard little tiny snores coming from her daughter and it made her smile. The one thing that kept her smiling these past three years was her. Her daughter. She felt so proud to call Nadine her daughter. Nikita knew this was what Michael always wanted, to be a father again. And she was so glad to could do that for him because he deserved it. She's glad at least this time she was the mother though.

She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. All she could think about was _Michael_. She decided to go out to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Michael changed into a plain t-shirt and briefs and got into bed. He couldn't stop thinking about Nikita. The feeling he got when he held her today… He missed that so much. Nadine and Nikita. He his entire dream achieved in one day.

_A very surprising day. _

He always wanted to be a father again and now he was. He had a little girl who called him, _daddy_. It was one of the best feelings in the world. His daughter had Nikita as a mother and he knew she would be perfect. No matter how many times she could say she's not mother material. She was more than mother material.

She was _perfect._

His family picture was finally complete. _Almost _complete. He needed some time to rebuild the trust between Nikita and him. But everyday from the past three years, she was all he _ever_ thought about. And she's still all he can think about.

He's finally with Nikita again and she was just as beautiful as she left him. He couldn't stay mad at her, even if he tried. He just wanted to love her again. If he kept his eyes open, he pictured Nikita. If he closed his eyes, she was all he saw too. Michael turned to his side, to see the empty side of the bed. He pictured her there. And he remembered her smile, her laugh, the one he was only a few feet away. She was in the same house and yet they were in different rooms.

He was tired of tossing and turning around in bed and decided to get up and go out to get a glass of water.

It was heartbreaking. How different the way things were right now and a year ago when they were fighting Division together. How they _promised_ each other that they'd finally find a home together after they were done with the never-ending crusade. And just when they thought they saw the light at the end of the tunnel… It was just another tunnel.

They took a deep breath before opening their doors. Nikita opened her door at the same time Michael opened his… They stood exactly across from each other and their eyes stared at each other in the darkness. Just them two. No Alex. No Nadine. Just Michael and Nikita.

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**Thanks for reading the new chapter! I hope you all liked it! Please review and tell me your thoughts! I would really appreciate it :) Thanks, and I hope to update soon! x**


	7. Confrontation

"Couldn't sleep?" Nikita whispered gazing into Michael's eyes in the dark hallway. He looked tired. He looked like he's been fighting a never-ending battle. And sometimes that what it really felt like, _never-ending. _

"Yeah… You too?" Michael responded. It felt like old times. Them being so close to each other, but the difference was, they were coming out of different rooms.

This was such a raw moment for the both of them. The thoughts they had flying in their minds wanted to burst out. They needed this moment. This moment where it's just the two of them.

"I was going to make some tea. Want some?"

"Sure," Michael smiled at her, hoping for her to see, but he wasn't sure it was pretty dark. He followed Nikita into the kitchen, which was a bit more lit with the windows. Nikita began making tea with her back to him. He desperately wanted to ask her the things in his mind, but he didn't know when the right time would be, but he knew he needed the answers, or he'll never sleep.

Nikita nervously fidgeted with her hands waiting for the water to brew. She could bare to look at Michael. She could see straight through him and the pain that's there and she can't bring herself to face it because she caused it and the guilt was eating her. She wanted to tell him things, give him the right explanation and to just make him feel loved again. The way he was suppose to be because he deserved to be loved and she just didn't give it to him. She never wanted to make him feel hurt, but it seemed like every time she tried to protect him, he always ended up hurt. She was so cluttered up in her own thoughts that she almost forgot Michael was behind her.

"Nikit-" Michael started.

Nikita gave Michael his tea cup and interrupted curtly, "Here."

She walked to the quickly walked to the couch and Michael followed after her. He sat down right next to her, but she wouldn't look at him. Michael felt even more hurt by Nikita's coldness toward him. He put his hand on her thigh and whispered, "Nikita." She shuddered at his touch.

"Yes?" Nikita said. Her voice was quiet and she still stared straight at the ground, while sipping her hot tea.

"Something's wrong, talk to me." Michael was staring at her worriedly, but yet she still didn't seem to budge. He didn't like where they were. He just wanted them to go back to the way it was, but they can't change the past. They need to get through this, they _will _get through this.

Nikita smiled to herself a little. Michael. No one knew her better than him. _Some things just never change_, she thought. She held tightly onto her hot cup of tea with both hands. His hand was still on her thigh and it made her feel warmer. It was a familiar feeling that she missed, so much. She's been wearing a mask for so long, she doesn't even know if she can even take it off. But somehow, Michael always managed to do it. "Everything's fine." Her voice came out icy and dull. It lacked the emotion she hopelessly wanted to show him.

Michael didn't want to continue this way. This can't be how it's going to turn out. Not with everything they've been through. They've fought so hard for each other, just to end up like this? Distant and cold? No. He wasn't going to accept that, not now, not ever. He turned his whole body toward Nikita and he saw her move a little. He gently moved his hand to her chin to turn her face to him.

The feeling of Michael's hand caught Nikita off guard. She wasn't expecting it, but now she was facing him. She was looking right at him. His green eyes just looked straight through her. She tried to turn away, but Michael wouldn't let her. Nikita could feel her eyes warm and incoming tears. No… he was unveiling her mask.

Michael could see into Nikita's eyes. She couldn't face confrontation. But this was the only way they were going to get through this. Michael softly cupped Nikita's face in his hands. "Nikita, we can get through this. I know we can."

Michael's voice came across so soft and sincere just like it always had been. His eyes looked into hers. They were filled with hope. Those words made the first tear roll down her cheek. She felt Michael's thumb gently brush over her cheek and wiping the tear away. "I'm sorry," Nikita whispered. Her voice quivered. It was all she could say. She didn't know what else she could do. She felt Michael remove his hands from her face and she felt instant coldness. Everything in her body immediately missed his warmth.

"You don't need to apologize… But I just wanted to know something. And I'm not blaming you… I just need an answer. Okay?"

Nikita was never good at being confronted. She _hated _it. But this was for Michael. And he deserved it. "Okay."

Michael let out a deep breath before starting. "Did you know you were pregnant when you left?"

In all honestly, Nikita answered his questions. "No."

"So you just left?"

"Yes."

"Did you think about coming back? Ever?"

This was starting to feel like blame, but she continued to answer. This one was a hard one. "Yes and no… I wanted to come back. I wanted _so _much to come back. Everyone I left… They all became family to me and I've never had one. After I left, I realized how much family meant. I hadn't been alone for such a long time because of all of you and I suddenly found myself feeling… lonely. But I knew that I would only be danger if I came back."

"So you were just going to throw everything behind you and move on?"

The way he put it… It came out kind of harsh. But he was so far from the truth. "I would never move on. It's hard to forget the people who saved you. I would never, not in a million years. I couldn't put _anything_ behind me… Because I always caught myself thinking about it. I'd think about things and remember things while I'm cooking, playing with Nadine, cleaning and especially when I'm alone. I'd think about what you're doing, how you're doing, and if you moved on-"

"Moved on?" Michael interrupted. "_Moved on? _You think I could move on?"

Nikita swallowed hard. "I just wanted you to be happy."

Michael let out a weak laugh. "Happy? Don't you see Nikita, there's no happiness in my story if you're not a part of it. In Division, you always make me smile and before you, I honestly hadn't felt that kind of happiness in a long time. When you left, all the happiness it went along with you. With Cassandra, you wanted me to be happy because that was what I wanted, but it wasn't. Yes, a family was what I wanted, but with _you_. I just couldn't accept that Max was my son because I couldn't look at Cassandra and say, 'that's the mother of my child'."

She had to take it all in. It was overwhelming. She sniffled her tears and said, "Michael… All I can say is sorry. I don't know what else to do…"

Nikita kept apologizing even though Michael continuously told her it wasn't her fault. Nikita, she was always taking the blame and piling it on herself. She was the definition of selfless. "No, I don't want you to apologize. I just want you to realize something. All the things you do, you never put yourself first. You thought I could be happy with Cassandra and Max by taking yourself out of the equation. Birkhoff told me… You made decisions without thinking twice, you pulled four or five bullets out of your Kevlar and you masked all your pain because you think you made the right decision. You left 3 years ago because you put all of us before you. You wanted to protect everyone that you took yourself out of the equation _again_. Then you told me you found yourself feeling lonely and wanting to come back, but you couldn't because that would mean bringing harm. Sometimes you have to be selfish, sometimes that's what other people want. Hurt or not hurt, Alex, Birkhoff, Ryan and _me_, we were hurt more by you leaving than actually dying. The one person who brought us all together, you. You built everything we have up to right now. It was all you."

Nikita couldn't find the words to say. She found herself completely speechless. She tried to open her mouth, but nothing came out.

"Remember when you told me that I always had to do the right thing? That I couldn't be selfish? Well, let me ask you something you asked me, why can't you just say this is what I want, I don't care if it's wrong?"

Her own words came tumbling back at her. Michael could manage to tear off her mask and dig into her wounds. Still, she had no words. Nothing could describe what Michael had just said to her. Everything he said was right. Sometimes she believed that Michael knew her better than she knew herself and that's what she loved about him because she kept everything hidden and locked away, but Michael, he always finds a way to find everything and fix it. All she could manage to say was, "I don't know…" in a quiet whisper. Her tears ran down her face like streams. This was the raw-est confession she's ever heard. "I just have this feeling that everyone needs to be happy. Everyone needs to be safe."

"_That's just it_. Everyone, but _you_. Nikita, _you_ need to be happy too."

Nikita stared straight into Michael's eyes with tears bottling up and said, "What if I don't deserve to be?"

That was the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. If anyone deserved happiness, it would be Nikita. She gave everything up. _Everything._ "Nikita," Michael said. "_You_ deserve happiness more than anyone else. You need to understand that."

"I'm sorr-"

She was going to apologize again. "No," Michael interrupted. "Please stop being sorry. _I'm sorry_. I'm sorry I pushed you away when we were in Division. I'm sorry for letting you walk away in London. I'm sorry for not chasing after you. I'm sorry for not being with you when you needed me to be. I'm sorry that I pushed you away when you saved my life… _I'm sorry_." Michael looked into Nikita's big brown eyes and softly said, "We're _both_ sorry."

"I'm just tired," Nikita said with a voice of defeat. "Every time I think I have it all figured out, everything falls apart. I'm tired, Michael. I don't want to fight anymore." Her plead broke Michael's heart. Her voice of defeat broke Michael's heart. See Nikita like this broke Michael's heart. Nikita let out a sigh and shut her eyes for a moment, letting a tear slide down.

"I'm tired too… We'll figure it out, _together_." Michael saw Nikita's eyes closed. He could see that she doesn't get much sleep. She was just as physically tired as she was emotionally. Michael took this as an opportunity. He gently pulled Nikita into his embrace and wrapped his arms around her. They laid back on the couch, both now overwhelmed by extreme weariness.

Nikita felt Michael pulling her into him. She didn't resist him. It felt so good to be so close to him. She felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. Like the sun just came back out. It was good to see the light at the end of the tunnel again. They laid back on the couch with Nikita's head resting on his chest and his arms around her. The warmth was just the same. They both shut their eyes.

"We're going to be okay, I promise," Michael whispered kissing the top of Nikita's head. And they fell asleep entangled with each other.

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**Well, that was a LONG chapter! I hope you liked it and I hope it didn't bore you! Please tell me what you thought! Please review, it would mean so much to me to hear from you. Thanks for reading! x**


	8. Step One

Alex woke up earlier than everybody else. When she left her room, she noticed Michael and Nikita's doors were wide open. She saw Nadine sleeping peacefully inside Nikita's room and closed her door slightly. She wondered where Michael and Nikita were. It was like them to be up early. She walked into the kitchen to make some coffee and looked into the living room and, to her surprise, saw the both of them cuddled up on the couch sleeping. They looked so peaceful with smiles on their faces. She smiled at them.

Nikita slowly opened her eyes and realized it was the next morning. She rubbed her eyes and looked beside her. She started to rise up from Michael's chest and Michael immediately noticed and tried to pull her back down. Nikita quietly chuckled, "Michael, we have to get up. Alex might get up soon."

"So?" Michael asked with his eyes still shut tightly. He continued to hold onto Nikita.

"So she might see us! And we weren't supposed to fall asleep here!"

Michael wanted to protest, but instead he started to get up. "Alright, I'm up," he groaned. When he opened his eyes, he saw Nikita right in front of him. She looked beautiful in the morning, just like he remembered. He couldn't remember the last time he slept so well. It felt so good to hold her in his arms again.

Nikita noticed Michael gazing at her. "What?"

"Nothing," Michael responded. He unconsciously tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You look beautiful."

Nikita felt her face redden. His touch electrified her. He was so close to her, just a few inches away. Nikita looked into his eyes and softly smiled, "It's not the first time you've seen me in the morning."

Michael smiled back at her. It was nice to see her smile again. He slowly moved his hand from her hair to her cheek. It felt warm. "I've missed it." Michael missed opening his eyes to see Nikita beside him first thing in the morning. He was her reason to wake up. He caressed her cheek gently with his thumb.

Nikita smiled and put her hand on top of his hand caressing her cheek. His words were plucking at her heart. She'd missed it too.

Alex witnessed the Nikita and Michael's heart to heart from the kitchen. She didn't want to interrupt, but she didn't want to continuously stand there and ease drop. She slowly stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room holding her hot cup of coffee with both hands. The two seemed so drawn to each other that they didn't even notice Alex entering the living room.

"Who might see you?" Alex casually interrupted.

At the sound of Alex's voice, Nikita instantly pulled away from Michael and turned to face Alex sitting on the lounge chair in front of her. Michael felt a bit hurt by her reaction. "How long have you been there?" Nikita asked.

"I was just brewing a nice cup of coffee for the morning," Alex innocently said while sipping her coffee. "What a lovely morning isn't it?"

Nikita was about to respond until the three of them were interrupted by a tiny voice from the hallway. "Mommy?"

Nikita immediately got off of the couch and picked up Nadine. She had forgotten that her daughter slept in her room last night. "Hey sweetie. How did you sleep?" Nikita carried her back over to the couch and sat her down right in between Michael and her.

"I woke up and you weren't there like you usually were."

Nikita glanced at Michael and Alex. Alex tried to hide her laughter by drinking her coffee and Michael couldn't stop smiling. Nikita looked back down at her daughter who was waiting for her mommy to give an explanation. "Mommy… went to make some tea last night and was so tired that she fell asleep on the couch," Nikita reasoned. It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the entire truth.

"You slept here?" Nadine poked at the couch.

"Yes. Mommy slept here."

"Were you so thirsty that you drank two cups of tea?" Nadine innocently questioned as she pointed to the _two_ cups of tea on the coffee table.

Michael was biting his lip so hard watching Nikita get out of this confrontation with their daughter. Their daughter was a sharp one. Alex couldn't help, but see so much Nikita and Michael in Nadine. This girl was no doubt their child.

Luckily, Nikita was saved from interrogation from her daughter by Michael's phone ringing. Michael grabbed his phone from the couch and looked at the caller ID. It was Birkhoff.

Michael picked it up. "Hey Birkhoff." Michael got up and slipped on some pajama pants and sat back down on the couch.

"_Hey Birkhoff?_ That's all you have to say after almost two days of not updating me?" Birkhoff snapped.

"Sorry about that," Michael grinned. He looked at Nikita and smiled at Nadine. "Got kind of caught up."

"Well you could've at least called," Birkhoff said.

"I know and I'm sorry. You can ping us through my computer and video chat us."

As soon as Michael hung up, his computer began to beep. Alex got off of the chair and grabbed the laptop from the bag on the floor. She opened it up and accepted Birkhoff's call. She placed the laptop at the end of the coffee table and faced it toward all of them.

Nikita smiled as soon as she saw Birkhoff. "Nerd. It's good to see you."

"Nikki. It's good to see you too," Birkhoff greeted. "And nice pajamas."

_Same old Birkhoff_. Nikita rolled her eyes and got up from the couch. She went to the closet and grabbed a black silk robe and threw it over her lingere _pajamas_. She walked back to the couch.

"Looks like the mission was a success," Birkhoff said. "Operation find Nikki."

"It sure was," Michael smiled kissing the top of Nadine's head.

Nadine was confused by the computer. She looked up at her daddy and asked, "Daddy who's the man inside the computer?"

Michael laughed just as Nikita sat back down on the couch. "That happens to be uncle Birkhoff," Nikita answered.

Birkhoff was surprised. Everyone on the other side of the computer seemed so calm. "Look what we have here. Nikita. Michael. And child."

Alex leaned closer into the camera and interrupted, "And Alex."

"I don't mean to burst your bubble, but when are you coming back?"

Nikita bit her lip and looked at Michael. The subject of leaving was still very touchy. Especially around Nadine. "I don't know," Michael said.

Nadine frowned at her daddy. "Daddy, you're leaving _again_?"

Michael picked his daughter up and sat her down on his lap. Nadine immediately snuggled into his chest. "Daddy's not leaving. I promised remember?"

Nadine nodded her head. Nikita felt her heart warm watching Michael and their daughter. Then, she refocused her attention back to Birkhoff. She had an idea. She wasn't ready to leave Hawaii and this was where Michael and her always wanted to be.

"Nerd, I have an idea."

"I'm all ears."

"Why don't you, Sonya and Ryan all move here?" Alex and Michael turned their faces and looked at Nikita.

"You mean like all of us move to Hawaii?"

"Well, it's a start for all of us to be together again."

"I have no objection to that. We will be there ASAP." Birkhoff smiled and turned off the camera.

Team Nikita in Hawaii.

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**Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me your thoughts! x**


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